Hairy Potsmoker
by IaMdErAnGeD
Summary: A PRODUCT OF MY DERANGED MIND MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
1. The Invitation

Hey, I'm not going to tell you my name because you'll probably completely mispronounce it, so don't get upset. I'm co-co-author of another Harry Potter story by Logan, you may know him as Logo, who's co- author is Roxanne. Since I'm lucky not to be in an institution, don't mind parts of this story that you can't make sense out of. My inspiration comes from the *cough* STORIES I read, and by the way this story is RATED R (but not really until the 5th chapter)! Here it is:  
  
Chapter I  
  
Harry was woken by the sound of his Uncle Vernon rattling the door to his little cubbyhole. "Hey, get up you slacker! You have to make us all breakfast, we're hungry!" he irritably commanded, "AND IF YOU DON'T GET OUT HERE THIS INSTANT, I'LL-"  
  
"Okay, okay, I'm coming," a tired Harry said, "but can you move, you're blocking the door."  
  
Harry got out and immediately went to the kitchen to begin just another unfriendly day with his Uncle, Aunt and cousin, which included commands, yelling, unpleasantness, and having to put up with Dudley's very spoiled ways. Trust me it starts to get you feeling more than a little crazy after a while.  
  
Anyway, after much more of such a day, the young wizard decided he really needed to see the person who he had been hot for, ever since he first laid eyes on her, Hermione Granger. Her only turnoff in his eyes was that she was such a nerdy know-it-all. Yeah, Harry thought, I really gotta see Hermione. Maybe I'll ask her out, she certainly won't be able to resist a celebrity like me! So, Harry sent a letter to his crush via Owl Express and told her to meet him at the pub outside Diagon Alley in a few days.  
  
* * * * *  
  
For Harry, the next few days went by in a blur. He couldn't wait to see Hermione again!  
  
Wonder if we'll DO anything, heeeeheheheeheeeehe! that was the main thought in Harry's mind as he wandered through the streets of town, on his way to Diagon alley, and Her. In fact, he was so wrapped up in Hermione, he didn't watch where he was going.  
  
Next thing Harry knew, he was doing a faceplant on some rich guy's black leather shoe. "OWW!" Harry exclaimed as he got up, "I blame you, ya Muggle!". Harry huffily walked away in a stunned silence as the crowd watched him. "Just a bunch of non-magicky morons" he grumbled under his breath.  
  
However, Harry Potter soon forgot this incident, his mind distracted by the radiant figure in white he saw walking towards him. It was Hermione! She had actually showed up! Yay! Harry thought, She came! (or so he thought dun dun dun)  
  
The end of Chapter I 


	2. Corner of the Pub

Hey it's me again, the guy from the mental institution who won't tell you his name. I think the first chapter went pretty well, so now I'm lookin for a co-author. I don't really need one but everyone's got one so I guess I should too. Wanna find out what happens with Harry and Hermione (RAR RAR)? Well now you can start to find out:  
  
Chapter II  
  
Harry just stood there as Hermione gracefully glided towards him. She was so beautiful (to Harry, ugh). She came, she came, she came, she came, was all that was going through Harry's mind right then.  
  
Suddenly, this nerdy-looking muggle boy stepped out of the croud and lollopped (no better word) towards Harry's future girl, and said "Hey beh- beh, whatzap?"  
  
Hermione responded by belting the guy so hard in the mouth, he fell over, limp-bodied, with teeth lying all over the street. "Whoa!" Harry cheered, "Nice one Hermione!"  
  
"Oh, Harry, I do so hope that poor boy is okay, he looks hurt!" she simpered.  
  
Harry replied, "Naw, he'll be fine, he just needs a mighty fine dentist. and a new jaw I guess."  
  
"I can't believe you came, I thought you were just playing a cruel trick on me to get me out here and then abandon me. You're so nice, Harry." the girl complimented Harry.  
  
"Well, as much fun as it would have been to abandon you here, I came for another reason. Errrm, Hermione?" Harry asked.  
  
"Yes, Harry?"  
  
"Would you, I mean, you would think about - Hermione Granger would you go out with me?"  
  
There was a few moments silence while Hermione thought about Harry's question and then she said, "Of course! I've liked you for a while Harry!"  
  
"Really? No foolin? Aww man all the wasted time!"  
Hermione cocked an eyebrow and said, "Well let's not waste any more! I've been waiting for this Harry James Potter!"  
  
They ran together into the pub with no further words said. In a secluded, out of the way corner, they proceeded to kiss each other. At first it just started as lips brushing each other, and then pulled away, but it escalated. Soon they were both lying on the ground, Hermione on top, playing tongue hockey. At the present, Harry had the highest score.  
  
Hermione quickly drew back and Harry said, "Hey, that was fun, what's the matter?"  
  
"It's just, I barely even know you."  
  
"So?" was Harry's response.  
  
"Good point," said the girl.  
  
They continued as they had before only with a much more willing and aggressive Hermione, and a much more encouraged Harry (the perfect equation, YAY!).  
  
The end of Chapter II 


	3. Ron Found Out

I rewrote this chapter from a really dumb one that I had here before. Still no co-author for me boohoohoo. Yep. Anyway, wanna find out what happens with Harry and Hermione next? Read on:  
  
Chapter III  
  
Harry and Hermione pulled apart and noticed that everyone in the pub was sneaking disgusted looks at them from behind newspapers and butterbeer bottles. "Harry," Hermione whispered, "why're they looking at us? It's making me uncomfortable"  
  
"Och, don't mind them, Hermione! They're just jealous." whispered Harry in reply.  
  
"Of you or me?" Hermione giggled.  
  
To this Harry chose not to respond, he just leaned forward again and hungrily kissed Hermione again. After a few moments he pulled away and looked at his watch. "UH OH! I didn't make second-breakfast, third- breakfast, brunch, second-brunch or third-brunch for the Dursleys!" Harry exclaimed, "Sorry Hermione, I gotta go!" With that he left her lying there and went to face the hungry and extremely angry Dursleys, and the rest of his rotten day.  
  
After that, every day that Harry passed without seeing or hearing from Hermione was rotten. Rotten, rotten, rotten. Harry cooked twelve meals a day for the Dursleys and they went haywire if he missed even one of them, especially if it was second-brunch or third-snack.  
  
Harry was just thinking about how he couldn't wait until he went to Ron's place, when there came a tap at the window. The Weasley family owl was there carrying a letter. Harry went at opened the window to let him in. The letter read:  
  
Dear Harry,  
School starts in only a week! Maybe you could come over,  
Hermione already said yes. We're ready for you, so come  
whenever you can.  
Your friend, Ron  
  
P.S. I hope you've gotten along well enough with the  
Muggles  
P.S. Hermione's been telling me some very. VERY  
interesting things. Very interesting indeed!  
  
Harry's face was flushed as he read the last part. Hermione told Ron! The ratty little tattle-taler, thought Harry sarcastically.  
  
But of course, the best part was: HERMIONE WAS COMING!! WOOHOOOO!! Harry thought excitedly. He couldn't wait to *erhrrm* SEE Hermione again. Now if he could just find all his stuff to put in the trunk.  
  
The end of chapter III 


	4. At the Burrow

Hey peeps its me again! HURRAH! I think I'm high on propane, lol nvmind. My last chapter was _OK_ but I hope this one's better. Harry goes to Ron's house in this. Read on:  
  
Chapter IV  
  
Harry made breakfast for the Dursleys, and walked out the door to catch a cable-car to the Weasley's home. He was very excited the whole way, and his heart skipped a beat when he saw Hermione doing the gardening with Mrs. Weasley in front of the house. "Hey Hermione!" he called.  
  
"Oh, hi Harry" she replied happily, "I'll help you carry your stuff upstairs!"  
  
"No, no, I'll be all right" consoled the young wizard  
  
"*cough* Errhrrm, *giggle*?" said Hermione motioning her head towards the house.  
  
"Oh, heh heh, I see." Harry galloped back to the house with Hermione at his side, and Ron waiting just inside. The pair ignored Ron, dropping Harry's stuff at his feet, and ran upstairs to what would be Harry's room for the next week or so. They immediately locked the door and started making out on the bed.  
  
"You guys better not be doin' that the whole damn time Harry's here!" called Ron through the locked door. When Hermione started to get up, Harry said, "Don't mind him, let's have some fun, I missed you!" The two lovers then started to undress each other, but chickened out, each bared above the waist, when they noticed what looked suspiciously like Extendable Eyes and Ears lying casually around the room.  
  
Hermione went back outside to do some more gardening, and Harry started to unpack. It's almost funny how long things like these things can take you when you have something very important on your mind.  
  
When he finished, Harry realized that he should probably go talk to Ron, after all, it WAS his house. Ron was lying on his bed staring at the ceiling. "Hi Harry" he said, "S'gonna be boring around here with you two locking yourselves in at every chance you get."  
  
"Oh, I didn't know you felt that way Ron." Said Harry with a smile on his face, "We'll be sure to let you in from now on!"  
  
Ron looked only half-sarcastic when he said, "I might actually enjoy it"  
  
The rest of the day went by pretty quickly for Harry and his friends and they were soon ready for bed. They said goodnight to Mr. and Mrs. Weasley and went upstairs to their rooms. Harry took off his clothes, threw them on the floor, and jumped in bed.  
  
The end of Chapter IV 


End file.
